While doing some soul searching and self-exploration I decided to also see what the outside world thought of me. My friends and family seemed to still have me in their favor, yet unfortunately the great power and all knowing entity of this existence seems to have a very different take on who I am.

Like Neo being taken to the Oracle for consultation in the Matrix, I to had to go to Google to find out who I was. “Dominic Gazzuolo” I typed into the all-knowing machine. Without submitting a quarter or asking a question, Google knew what I wanted: Who am I?

Rather than view the webpage results in Google, I went straight to Google “Images” because as the saying goes, “a picture is worth a thousand words.” (Strangely enough, if you begin to type the saying “a picture…” Google will suggest “a picture that cost a mother her baby.” You know…that ol’ search.)

Ah ha! Just as I thought may happen! The first image of me is a picture of myself looking  nerdy. It is the picture of me at a Tim Sale artist signing which is at a comic book shop. The charity event helped raise money for old comic book creators who need some extra financial support. The image basically says that I am nerdy, into art and a charitable guy. There you have it. The wise Google nailed who I was as a…wait a tick…

As with any “Images” page on Google there are many pictures and thus, many stories. The next 20 or so images were all just random pictures, but then as I scrolled down I noticed something very odd. Under the keyword “Dominic Gazzuolo” in Google “Images” there are a ton of head-shots of guys.

At first I just thought it was a row or two, but then I noticed that the more I scrolled the more faces of random dudes showed up under my name. Dare I scroll over some of the male faces which emotionless stare through my computer screen? I must! They saturate my name! I must know why!

Georgia Sex Offenders

All of the head-shots are actually mug shots of Georgia sex offenders. Some how my first and last name combination brings up this particular state’s list of sex offenders. Little did my parents know, when they created Dominic Gazzuolo they apparently created the perfect name for a sex offender in Georgia. I will say, as sex offending goes, Georgia is the state for peaches…

Dirty bad jokes aside…wtf?! I looked up names for Georgia sex offenders and there happen to be 3 named Dominic and 1 with the last name Gazzuolo. For some messed-up reason, when 3 Dominic’s and 1 Gazzuolo’s sex offending rings are combined it becomes one fucked-up Captain Georgia Sex Offending Planet.

After some laughing about it, because what could I really do, I started to wonder:

• Is Google telling me to become a sex offender?
• Is Google showing me a future yet to come?
• What’s Georgia like this time of year?

At this point, please proceed to Google.com and search “Dominic Gazzuolo” in the images and scroll down.